The Letter
by siofra12
Summary: Sam Puckett had her heart broken by Freddie Benson long ago. Her life had no meaning and she's ashamed of what she had become and what she has done. Will Carly be able to bring them back together through the power of writing letters? Or will it go wrong?
1. Prologue

Sam Puckett was sitting at her desk, she had been sitting there for two hours already and yet nothing had come to her. A pen and piece of paper were sitting in front of her; she was trying to write the letter she had put off for years, even though she knew it was too late to send. Finally she started to write

_Dear Freddie,_

_Wow how many years have passed since I last said or wrote this, I love you? Today as I watched the sky melt from indigo, violet and fuscia to black I remembered our last night together under the stars. That night we talked and walked, we exchanged promises and we made love, slowly and lovingly. It was y first time, I did it because I loved you, and I still do. The night you left for Oxford was the day I died. I died as I went with you to the airport, I died when I walked with you through the terminal, I died when you embraced me and I died when you promised you'd call. You didn't call, did you? Because if you did I never received it, all I received was a text. It said_

_**Dear Sam,**_

_**It's me Carly, remember? I hope you do, I wanted to let you know that Freddie is getting married. I know you still love him; I just wanted to warn you. Maybe we could catch up one day soon? I hope you do, I miss you.**_

_**Carly Shay**_

_When I received the letter I thought I was having a nightmare, a terrible nightmare. I cried, not just once but every night since then, that was four years ago. What I ask you is why? Why did you marry someone else? Why did you promise to call? Why did it go wrong? Did you ever love me? Why did you break your promise to me? The promise, that you would love me forever. But you didn't, you left and forgot. So how's life now? Do you have kids? Have a good job? Well let me tell you about my life, I sleep with people for money, I live on the streets, I'm a recovering alcoholic and I have had more than a couple of abortions. I constantly feel dirty, no matter how hard I scrub my body I still feel dirty. I've felt that way since the first pregnancy, it was yours. That time I lost it, only 6 weeks along. Yeah you lost a child, you now know. I miss you, in the mornings I wonder the streets calling your name. When I work I imagine I'm with you, sometimes it works. I miss your chocolate eyes, oak hair and sweet smile. My heart pounds when I look at the single picture of you, the single picture I have left. I love you Freddie Benson, with all my heart, soul and mind. And I will forever and always._

_Sam Puckett, the one you use to love._

That night Sam slept with another random man, he payed well, really well. She then spent the night whispering dirty words to him and slept with him once more. She finished at three that night, once she had left the man's house she headed to a shelter and paid some money to stay the night. She put the letter into her pocket and went to sleep feeling the weight of it.


	2. Chapter 1 Carly

The morning was cold, Sam walked through the streets heading towards the town centre she was going to buy a new coat. She hadn't really thought what kind she wanted though; all she knew was that she needed one. She felt colder with every step she took, she had two hundred dollars, even though she was payed well she always spent the money quickly so she hardly ever had any. She quickened her pace as she approached the crowded city centre, she went into the shopping centre and started wondering around looking in all the clothes shop windows as she passed them, she was heading for the fancy coat shop; it was by far the most expensive shop here. She finally arrived and gazed in at all the coats as they hung; she took a gulp of air and walked into the shop. She looked around the shop in awe, it was open and bright, the walls were an elegant cream and the furniture was of red velvet and gold, Sam had never felt so out of place.

Carly Shay was putting coats back on their hangers, it had already been done but her employees never did it right so she was always re-doing it. Once she finished she headed to the counter to see if anyone was waiting, once she saw that no-one was she went to talk to Bethany, one of her employees. Bethany was about 21, she had long brown hair that was straight, her eyes were blue and her skin was tanned. She was the youngest of Carly's employees, she loved fun and many times Carly had to remind her she was working but other than that she was a pretty good employee.

"Bethany?"

"Yes" Bethany replied as she stopped putting coats back.

"Can you go work on the till please?"

"Sure thing boss" Bethany replied as she wandered off towards the counter. Carly sighed as she watched her walking away, today she felt incredibly tired. Last night she had been out with Freddie, they were still in contact. They had gone out for a few drinks, Freddie had been promoted and they'd been celebrating. Carly's thoughts drifted to Sam, she hadn't seen her in years, eight to be precise. They had been eighteen, it seemed like yesterday but Carly knew better than to let herself think about the past, it brought her to tears every time she did. Instead she busied herself by helping her costumers find the coat they wanted, she had been working here since she had finished her course in college. She had studied from the age of eighteen to twenty-four, she had wanted to be a kindergarten teacher but she couldn't get a job. She still lived with Spencer because well to be honest he wasn't mature enough to live by himself and Carly would be worried about him twenty four seven. Spencer was still a mad artist but when Sam left he became quieter, most people wouldn't notice it but Freddie and Carly did. Carly told Bethany to take a break and she did just that, then she helped a few more people. She glanced at the clock and cursed under her breath, it was only eleven thirty it felt about two at least. Carly stood up and glided gracefully to help another costumer, it was an elderly lady who had hearing difficulty, great Carly thought to herself. Once she had finished helping her she noticed a woman with long blonde curly hair, she was wearing fish net tights, a black leather skirt and a skimpy vest top, Carly thought she must be freezing. Carly then began walking swiftly over to her, once she was behind her she gently tapped the woman's shoulder, the woman slowly turned around and when she did Carly gasped.

"Sam?" She whispered not believing her eyes. "Is it you?" The woman nodded as tears began to well in her eyes, Carly had already tears streaming down her face.

"It is me, Carls" Sam said gently as Carly embraced her, they were both crying. Carly suddenly realised they were in the middle of the shop and grabbed Sam's hand and led her towards the office she had after telling Mae, another employee, to cover for her. When they got to the office they broke down and again and sobbed for a while before Sam composed herself, Carly tried to compose herself but was failing miserably.

"Hey, don't cry Carly. It's alright I'm here" Sam said trying to soothe Carly.

"But you weren't before"

"I know, but now I am"

"I missed you"

"And I missed you but I'm back"

"I missed you"

"I know"

"How could you leave?"

"I'll tell you later when you've calmed down"

"Calm down!" Carly suddenly shouted as she stood up "How can you tell me to calm down after you left without a trace for eight years and then suddenly appear?"

"I don't know" Sam said meekly.

"You don't know?" Sam shook her head slowly as she looked at the floor. "Get out!" Carly suddenly shouted again.

"What? You don't mean that Carls!"

"Yes I do and don't call me that"

"But Carl-"

"I said don't call me that"

"Carly, I'm sorry I ran away. I was stupid and young. I thought I had to" Carly rolled her eyes and scoffed. Sam continued "I wanted to stay but I couldn't, I had to leave. I wasn't happy, I missed him and everything there reminded me of him! You don't understand, no-one you love has ever left you!"

"That's not true, you left. You left Sam, you were my best friend and I loved you like a sister!" Carly snapped.

"I loved you like a sister too Carls, I still do. You're the best friend I've had. I missed you so, so much. More than Melanie and my mum, more than everybody"

"Except for him"

"No the same as him maybe more, he had been gone for a while when I left"

"Really?" Carly asked her voice soft and her eyes child like.

"Really" Sam replied nodding her head. Carly smiled weakly.

"He missed you" Sam looked confused.

"Really?"

"Really, a lot. He still loved you"

"No he didn't, you read the letter"

"Yeah I did" Carly said softly "And he still loved you when he wrote it, I promise"

"You swear?"

"I swear"

"Ankle swear?"

"Ankle swear" They both stood up and ankle swore.

"Do you want to get a coffee?" Sam asked.

"Sure, but first do you want a shower and a change of clothes?"

"Why?"

"Because, well you smell and look like prostitute" Sam smiled at Carly and nodded her head.

"Yeah, I guess I do" They then linked arms and walked out of the office together, like they were best friends again.


	3. Chapter 2 The Shower

**Freddie has a problem! Thank you for the reviews and hope you like my story, thanks for the suggestions! I love you all. I do not own iCarly!**

Freddie rubbed his head as he sat in his office; he was working on a stack of paper work that needed to be done. He reached under his desk and grabbed a bottle of whiskey, he didn't bother with a glass instead he just took a glug from the bottle, he instantly felt better. He sighed and continued drinking and writing, soon he was finished. The bottle was finished not long after, he smiled and put the bottle in the recycle bin and hoped Amy wouldn't complain about it. Amy was his wife and she was a bitch if he was honest, she was snooty and stuck up, she was also English (**by the way I'm English so I mean no offence!)**. He then went to the kitchen and grabbed a beer; he drained it like he drained water. He then wiped his mouth and brushed his teeth and used mouth wash, he smiled at his reflection in the mirror and walked into the bedroom. Amy was still asleep, Freddie glared at her as he thought about how easy her life was. She worked part time at a clothes shop, she earned little but spent lots. Freddie was the earner in the house; he sighed and put on a pair of worn jeans and a new T-shirt. He went back to the kitchen and made a sandwich, he then wrote a note telling Amy where he was going. He grabbed his leather jacket and texted Griffin and then grabbed his car keys and wallet before jumping into his Ferrari and speeding off into the distance.

Sam and Carly had arrived at Carly and Spencer's flat; they were walking in the entrance when Lewbert shouted

"No people in my lobby!"

"Shut up!" Carly shouted and Sam looked at her in surprise.

"Wow Shay, when did you start being a badass?" Carly looked down feeling ashamed "Don't feel bad, it was a compliment" Carly smiled and they continued talking up the flat. When they got outside the door Carly paused and turned to Sam

"Wait here a moment, I have to check if Spencer's here"

"Why?"

"Because if he is he'll faint and I don't want to wait for him to wake up and deal with him freaking out right now"

"Fair enough" Sam replied nodding her head as she headed around the corner, Carly opened the door and walked inside of the flat and started calling out Spencer's name, there was no reply and Carly saw a note that said

_Carlaay!_

_Am with Socko at art convention for a few days, will be back though. You know where everything is!_

_Spencer (who has amazingly cool socks!)_

Carly laughed as she read the last bit of the message, she then told Sam it was okay to come in

"Good, now can I take a shower seeing as I smell like a prostitute?"

"Yes, yes you can" Carly smiled and led Sam up the stairs and into the bathroom, Sam looked around and saw nothing had changed. "Here's a towel, and you know where everything is" Carly said as she handed Sam a towel and smiled

"Ta"

"Welcome, you know where to get the clothes, in my room"

"Yeah"

"Okay, have fun"

"Showering?"

"Yeah"

"Ok..." Sam said as she rolled her eyes, she then started to remove her slutty attire. She closed her eyes as she did so to stop herself from seeing her reflection, she hated looking in a mirror she hardly ever did. It disgusted her. She stepped into the shower and felt the water hit her like bullets, she wished they were. She deserved to die, Carly was being nice to her and she shouldn't be. She left without explanation, killed her un-born children and slept with men for money. She was disgusting. Sam washed her hair like she was washing clothes in a river; she then started to scrub her body. No matter how hard she tried the dirt on her wouldn't come off, she scrubbed harder as tears started to trail down her face, but she didn't stop the tears made her scrub harder. Soon her skin was red, raw and too painful to scrub anymore, she stopped and put conditioner in her hair. When she had rinsed it out she turned the shower off, she then grabbed the towel Carly had given her and wrapped it around her body. She slowly walked towards Carly's bedroom, when she reached it she was surprised by how little it had changed. She went to her drawers and grabbed a bra and knickers; she then went to the wardrobe and took out a pair of jeans, a Penny Tee and a zip up purple jumper. She changed slowly; when she was dressed she brushed her hair slowly and carefully. She looked in Carly's make up bag and applied some lip gloss, eye liner and mascara; she looked at her reflection and gasped. Who was she? She wasn't Sam the whore, she was someone else. She looked, almost, normal. Sam smiled at her reflection and felt herself relax lightly. She then headed downstairs to find Carly cooking something that smelt good, she smiled at her and Sam smiled back.

"How was your shower?" Carly asked as she took a plate out of the cupboard.

"Good, it was relaxing" Sam replied, Carly nodded as she put some food on the plate.

"I know, showers are so nice and relaxing" Sam nodded in a agreement before she plonked herself down at the table, Carly brought the food over and placed it in front of her. Sam stared at the plate, it had bacon, eggs and mushrooms on it.

"No thanks, I 'm not hungry" Sam lied.

"Eat it, you liar" Sam shook her head but put some food on the fork Carly had handed to her. She took a small mouthful before eating the rest slowly.

"Thanks" She said when she finished it.

"You're welcome" They sat in silence for a few moments before Sam suddenly said

"Do you want to know what happened?"

"Yeah I do" Sam took a deep breath before starting.

"Well..."


	4. Chapter 3 The Letter

**Hope you are enjoying this story, if you like this then check out my other one The Music. Thanks for the reviews and please keep them up! I do not own iCarly, sadly, very. Very sadly.**

"Well..." Sam started as she looked at Carly's big brown eyes that were staring anxiously at her. She then let the story slip out threw her mouth, she told her everything. Carly's eyes widened as Sam went through each of the last eight years of her life in detail, Sam told her everything, about the abortions, her job, everything. When Sam had finished she had tears running down her cheeks and Carly was near crying.

"Wow" Was all Carly could manage to say, Sam sniffed and wiped her face with the back of her hand.

"Yeah, I suppose"

"I'm sorry that sound so horrible saying that it was wow, I'm sorry"

"It's ok, don't worry. I wouldn't know what to say if I were you"

"Thanks" Carly then started to look at her nails nervously, Sam watched her as she fidgeted.

"What's the matter?"

"Oh, nothing, I'm fine, great even"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes" Carly seemed to pause for a minute before she continued "I think you should move in here" Sam looked up startled at her.

"What?"

"I think you should move in with Spencer and me"

"Why would you want me here? Have you heard what I just told you?"

"Yes bu-" Sam cut Carly off

"If you did then you wouldn't want me staying here!" Sam shouted as she stood up, Carly looked alarmed and stood up too.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean why would you want a murderer in your house?"

"You haven't killed anyone!"

"I killed my babies! I killed Freddie's baby!"

"You didn't kill his baby, you lost it! There's a difference!"

"But I killed the others! Didn't I?" Carly had tears running down her face.

"You were alone and confused, you didn't mean it"

"But I still did it!" Sam snapped angrily.

"Please, please stay"

"No" With that Sam grabbed her small bag and clothes and walked towards the door, she looked momentarily back at Carly to see her with tears streaming down her face. Sam forced herself to turn away; she then opened the door and walked out. She slammed the door with all her might, she then felt tears running down her face as she ran out of the building and into the street. She ran to a nearby alley way and slipped down a wall, she sobbed for a while before she felt someone pat her shoulder lightly. She looked up to see Carly in a large brown Mack looking down at her with watery eyes, Sam felt awful to have made her fell like this.

"Come back to the apartment with me Sam, Sam please" Carly asked almost begging. Sam just nodded as Carly helped her stand up and silently they walked back to the apartment. When they got there Carly led Sam to the couch while she turned the kettle on to make some tea, she had grown quite fond of it. Whilst she was getting things out she watched Sam and realised how small she was. She looked about six stone, her clothes were hanging off her and looked about size 2 Carly sighed and put a tea bag in the cups before adding the hot water and stirring. She then took out a tray and laid out some milk, sugar and a selection of cakes and biscuits before she placed it on the table in front of Sam.

"Why did you come after me?" Sam suddenly asked, the question hurt Carly, did she not think that they were still best friends? Was she just a stranger now? Someone who was just helping her? Carly just didn't know anymore, she didn't know this Sam but she decided to take a risk.

"Because Sam you're my best friend and I hate to see you like this and I don't want you to go out and sleep with some random man for money" Carly replied calmly as she added milk and sugar to her tea.

"Best friend?" Sam asked looking confused.

"Yeah, best friend"

"But I left you with no explanation"

"And I forgive you"

"But why?"

"Because you're my sister"

"Sister?"

"Like my sister and I love you Sam" Sam's eyes suddenly lit up for a second but they faded as quickly as they came.

"You love me?"

"Yes Sam, I do love you"

"I love you too Carls"

"I know you do" Carly replied and Sam giggled lightly, she then grabbed her tea and added some milk to it, she sipped it quietly.

"How is he?"

"Um, he's fine. Good, happy" Carly said, Sam smiled a tiny smile before asking

"Any kids?"

"No"

"Is his wife pretty?"

"Kinda"

"She is really pretty isn't she?"

"Incredibly"

"Is she nice?"

"No" Carly replied bluntly, Sam looked at her in shock and Carly's eyes widened as she realised what she had let slip.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing"

"What did you mean no?"

"Well sometimes she's moody and bitchy" Carly replied before she stuffed some cake in her mouth.

"Really?" Carly nodded whilst her mouth was full of food. Sam looked down at the floor nervously before she continued "Does, does her ever talk about me?" She stuttered. Carly looked up her eyes and wide and full of sympathy.

"Yes, he does" She replied softly. Sam blinked back tears that were forming in her eyes.

"What does he say?"

"He says that he misses you, he wishes you hadn't left and that he wished you were still here"

"Did he really say that?" Carly nodded, he had said other things but Carly wasn't going to her those just yet.

"Why don't you talk to him?"

"Because"

"Because what?"

"I can't see him, it hurts too much. He hurt me too bad and he probably doesn't want me here anyway" Sam said as she shrugged.

"Why don't you write him something?"

"Like what?"

"A letter"

"A letter?"

"Yeah, a letter"

"Um, Carly have you gone mad in the head or are you just stupid anyway?"

"I am not stupid! And it's a great idea; you can build a relationship up without even seeing each other!"

"It's stupid!"

"Just try it, what harm can it be?"

"A lot!"

"Just try, please. You can fix everything, you can tell him!"

"No"

"Please!"

"No"

"Please!"

"I'll try it, that's all. I'll try" Carly jumped for joy and enveloped Sam in a massive hug.

"Thank you" She whispered in her ear "Now let's get writing!" She shouted before she dragged Sam to the kitchen table and forced her onto a chair, all Sam was thinking about was how badly was it going to go?

Freddie and Griffin were I having lunch when Freddie's phone rang loudly, Freddie looked at the caller ID and pushed the reject button. Griffin raised his eyes before saying

"Amy?"

"Yes"

"Dude you have to answer her calls sometimes, you know!"

"I know but I don't want to hear her talking about her nails getting chipped or how she needs a new top because she doesn't like her old ones. It drives me crazy!"

"I know, women do that"

"Tell me about it, anyway how's things with you and Carls?"

"Good, we're going steady. I think she's the one man, I've never felt anything like this before"

"I'm happy for you, I really am" Freddie said as he patted Griffin on the shoulder. He was the one who had set them up again, he had thought they should get back together for a while.

"Thanks man, it means a lot knowing you think that" Freddie nodded and continued with his meal, he then drained his beer and ordered another.

"Hey, aren't you driving?" Griffin asked him.

"Yeah why do you want to know?"

"Because maybe you should stop drinking if you are"

"Why?"

"Because it's dangerous"

"Fine I'll stop"

"Good"

"Any other news with you?"

"Well you know that rich couple who I told you about last week?"

"Yes"

"Well they want me to draw up their plans for that mansion they want to build!"

"Seriously?"

"Seriously!" Griffin shouted as he high fived Freddie, they spent the next two hours talking about random affairs before Griffin had to leave. Freddie hoped into his car and drove to the off-license, he picked up three bottles of wine and one of vodka before he headed back home. When he got there the lights were off and when he went inside he saw that Amy wasn't there, he felt relieved that he wouldn't have to listen to her whining. He saw she had stacked the post up, he found a letter addressed to him sitting on top. It had no address on so it must have been hand delivered he thought to himself, he paused before opening it trying to think of someone who might have written it. He came up with nothing so he ripped the envelope off to reveal a letter, a hand written letter. He started to read it

_Dear Freddie_

_I guess this is The Letter. The Letter that helps us, helps us regain some of the relationship we lost. At least I hope it does. Today I met Carly again, by accident, and she helped me decide to write to you. She is a great friend and I hope you treasure her with all your heart, she deserves it. I hope you are well, I'm okay. Yeah, just okay, but that's better than bad, right? I hope it is. I heard you got married, I heard she's pretty and that you have no kids. I thought you wanted kids? That's what you told me, I remember. We were watching the stars one night when you told me that one day we'd have a kid, a boy called Daniel. You said that he'd be smart like him and have my blue eyes, that he'd have sandy hair and would love fencing and tennis. I remember that I agreed and said he would live in our house and I would cook every day, that you would work and that we'd love him forever and always, do you remember? I hope you do. I do. What do you do, as a job I mean? What clothes do you wear? What car do you drive? Who are your friends? Can you tell me these things, I need to know them. I need to know them to know you. I used to know you, but now I don't. You need to tell me, tell me what you like and what you hate. Maybe you can send me pictures? Maybe not but please answer the questions, I want to know. I miss you._

_Sam_

Freddie felt tears slide down his cheeks as he finished the letter, he closed it before slipping it in his pocket. He then wiped the tears from his face and grabbed a pen and bit of paper before writing a reply to her, the girl he had tried to forget, now the girl who wanted to know him again. When he finished he drank the bottle of vodka before falling asleep in his bed. He woke up when Amy got into bed, he stood up and grabbed his car keys before heading to his car. He then drove to Carly's, he went in the front door and walked up to Lewbert and handed him the letter

"Give this to Carly Shay, please" Lewbert just grunted but Freddie knew he would give it to her, they had run into a bit of trouble before and Freddie has sorted him out.

The next morning Carly went to collect the mail when Lewbert called her over, he handed her an envelope with Sam's name on. Carly ran back into the apartment and shook Sam awake and handed her the letter. Sam took the letter with shaking hands and opened it she started reading

_Dear Sam_

_I guess that was The Letter. Why don't we start from the beginning, like we first met. Hi, my name is Freddie Benson, I have a wife, her name is Amy and I am 26 years old. I live in Seattle. My mother lives nearby, she is a bit mental if you ask, but I know it's because she loves me. I have no children but I would love some, I want a little boy called Daniel who likes fencing and tennis, I want him to have sandy hair and blue eyes. I work at Pear, quite high up. I like my job and wouldn't quit it for the world. My wife works part time at a shop called 'Goodie Delight' which is an expensive clothes shop. I met her when I came back from the Navy, my mother set us up. She is beautiful and lovely, she loves me and I love her. You should meet her sometime, I think you'd like her. I have no brothers or sisters. I have lots of friends but the people I am closest with are Carly and Griffin, they know me better than anyone, well nearly everyone there was someone else too but... I have enclosed a photo of my wedding day in this letter too as you asked for one. I have a Ferrari, and I wear jeans and T-shirts. Now what about you, tell me about you. Hope this answers some of your questions, sorry the letter is short. Please reply._

_Freddie_

Sam gazed at the letter she held in her hand and suddenly felt a burden lift off her shoulders, she smiled meekly. She slipped the letter into her purse beside the one that she had never sent and never plans to send.


	5. Chapter 4 Bastard

Sam sat down at Carly's desk and stared at the letter that sat in front of her, the reply she had received from him. He wanted to start over. Too bad she couldn't, she couldn't forget the pain he had caused her, the days she had spent crying and the time she wasted moping around after him. She didn't want to start over, she wanted to scream and shout at him, tell him he was wrong and how much she hates him but it would be a lie. Sam didn't lie. She maybe a slut, a bitch, disgusting and any other things but she didn't lie and didn't want to. She wanted to reply but didn't know how. She had been sitting there for the last two hours just staring at his hand writing. Carly hadn't asked to read the letter nor had Sam offered her the chance to, it was her letter; Freddie had written it for her. She didn't know how to respond, what to say or to even tell him the truth. Sam gave up and put the letter into her bag and then went back down to the living room where Carly was. Carly was reading a book, Sam looked at the title it was 'Wuthering Heights'. Sam placed herself next to Carly, Carly looked up from her boom and smiled at her.

"Hi" Carly said as she placed the book on the table.

"Hey" Sam replied meekly.

"Are you okay?" Carly asked and Sam shook her head and tears started to pour down her face. Carly pulled her friend into a hug and rocked her gently; Sam started to cry even harder. Carly rubbed her hair and whispered things that a mother would whisper to her upset child.

"I hate him so much" Sam sniffed.

"You don't mean that"

"I do"

"You think you do but you don't, you're angry and so you should be!"

"I hate him and hate that he's so happy!"

"You would feel worse if he wasn't"

"No I wouldn't, I'd feel happier. How come I have such a shitty life and I was the one who got hurt as well!" Sam wailed. Carly looked at her broken friend, she didn't know who she was any more. This Sam wasn't strong, care free, beautiful or happy, this Sam was broken, destroyed, un- happy and worried about everything and it hurt Carly that she couldn't do anything about it.

"I don't know. But Sam, one day, I promise, you'll be happy and be at peace with the world. Not I know you feel betrayed and angry but soon this will be like a night mare, distant and a memory." Cary said as she looked Sam in the eye, Sam stopped crying and stood up.

"How would you know? You've always been Miss Perfect with straight A's, good looks, been thin, had boys drooling over you and everybody loved you! I was always in your shadow, you have no idea how I feel!" Carly felt hurt, Sam regretted what she had just said but didn't make an attempt to apologise. Carly stood up and walked towards Sam, she then slapped her right across the face, hard.

"Get out!" She spat towards Sam who was cradling the red mark on her face. Sam grabbed her bag and walked out of the door slamming it hard. Carly started to cry. She then started to scream, she screamed like her life depended on it before the door suddenly swung open to reveal Freddie looking pretty worried. Carly barley glanced at him before she continued screaming; Freddie rushed over to her and smothered in a hug. He lifted her onto the sofa, she was still crying but had stopped screaming, she then started hitting him Freddie caught her arms as she took another swing.

"Whoa, calm down, why are you trying to hit me?"

"Because it's your fault!" Carly screamed as she tried to escape from his grip.

"What did I do?" Freddie demanded.

"You broke her, you destroyed her and you hurt her!"

"Hurt who?"

"Sam! That's who" Freddie let Carly go and paused, he gulped loudly before looking back at Carly who was now curled up in a ball and crying again.

"I didn't know I did those things to her; in the letter she wrote she didn't sound too mad" Freddie snapped back.

"Because she didn't want to make you think that! Do you want to know what she told me?"

"Fine, tell me"

"She said she hates you!"

"No she didn't!"

"She did, would you blame her?"

"I didn't do anything wrong!"

"You dumped her by text whilst you were in the Navy without a valid reason! She was crushed, she cried for ages! And you don't even care because you have your perfect life with Amy! Bastard!" Carly screeched at him.

"That was ages ago! She should move on, I have! She needs to grow up!" Carly glared at him.

"You selfish dick" She whispered but Freddie heard her loud and clear.

"Carly, I'm sorry. Please forgive me, please. Carly you're my best friend and basically my sister, Carly I need you!" Freddie begged, Carly looked at him and pulled him into a hug.

"I forgive and I'm sorry for freaking out like that"

"It's okay; I deserve it after what I did to her. Did she get the letter?"

"Yes"

"Did she read it?"

"Yes"

"Where is she now?"

"She left, I threw her out"

"Why?"

"Because she was mean and I got angry!"

"Where does she live?" Carly didn't reply, Freddie asked again "Where does she live?"

"She lives on the street" Carly replied quietly, Freddie just stared at her in disbelief.

"Really?" Carly nodded.

"I'll find her; I'll find her and tell her I'm sorry that I was such a jerk!"

"Don't"

"What? Why not?"

"Because if you do she'll leave, leave and won't come back"

"Why?"

"Because she won't, just don't do it!"

"Okay, but what are we going to do?"

"We are going to do nothing, I will go and find her or she'll come and find me"

"What do I do?"

"Go home and don't come here without me asking you to"

"Why?"

"Because I said so, now go home." Freddie left without uttering another word; he headed to the shops and brought some gin and beer before heading back to his house. When he walked in the door he noticed a letter on the mat, he picked it up and recognised Sam's writing. He went into the kitchen and drained two beers before pouring himself a large glass of gin, he started to sip it and in a few minutes it was gone. He finished another beer before he read the letter

_Dear Freddie_

_Hi, again. I want to say that I don't want to start again; I want to pick up where we left off. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. You make me sick and whenever I hear your name I want to scream. You must feel great, sitting there in your big house with your beautiful wife and expensive clothes. I sit on people's door steps and sleep in random houses. You selfish bastard. One day I'll be laughing at you and your failing life but for now you're laughing at mine. I hope you rot in hell, don't respond to this letter._

_Sam_

_P.S I hate you_

Freddie felt tears run down his face, he slipped to the floor and curled into a ball and cursed himself for he was a bastard, a complete and utter bastard.


	6. Chapter 5 Flying Pans

Sam returned to the house to see Carly sitting at the table with a coffee sitting in front of her. Sam saw she was sad but didn't make any attempt to comfort her or to even say anything. Instead she wondered up into Carly's bedroom and lay on the bed. She sighed heavily as she thought about the letter she had dropped off at Freddie's house, maybe she had been too harsh but then again maybe she wasn't. She decided to stop thinking about it, she was getting a headache and when she got headaches everything went strange. She shook her head violently to get rid of her thoughts before she went to her bag and took out her phone. There was one new message from one of her clients, she slept with him once a week and she realised that she was supposed to have had an appointment with him last night. Shit, she mentally scolded herself. She quickly text him to say she was sorry about last night and that she would make another appointment with him soon. Then she took out her charger and plugged in her phone and left it as the battery charged. She then wondered aimlessly around the room thinking of things she could do, nothing came to mind. Soon it was evening and Sam decided she should try and make some money. She looked in her bag and grabbed one of her slutty outfits; she then slipped it on and looked in the mirror. She looked wrong, her makeup was too plain and her hair looked nice, quickly she back combed her hair and put on a thick layer of makeup. Feeling that she looked more normal she headed towards the fire escape and crept down the stairs until she was standing in the dimly lit streets of Seattle. She headed towards her regular bar where she knew there were plenty of people who would want her company, it was near Christmas too which meant people were more generous. As she arrived at the bar she slipped in through the door unnoticed before she hung her coat up and went to the bar, already men were looking at her as she sashayed gently and slowly. When she got to the bar she sat down next to a young man who seemed particularly interested in her, she smiled sweetly before ordering a vodka.

"I'll get that" The man said as a smile spread across his face.

"If you want to, go for it" Sam replied.

"I guess I will then. What's your name?"

"Sam, and yours?"

" Jake"

"Nice"

"Thanks"

"What's the matter?"

"Huh, what do you mean?"

"You seem upset"

"Well my girlfriend and I had a fight"

"Oh, what happened?"

"She was just getting annoying, I really want to get back at her with meaningless sex with no strings attached" He slyly looked up at Sam and smiled, "I've heard about your services, recommended"

"Really?"

"Yes"

"Wow"

"I am willing to pay you $250 for the best sex you have ever given"

"Deal"

"You want to get out of here?"

"Yes, please" After that Sam and Jake left the bar and proceeded to his house. The next morning Sam left after having pocketed $250, she smiled to herself. She had done good. She returned to Carly's flat but paused when she reached the door, Carly couldn't see her like this. Her clothes were ripped and slutty, her hair was messy and her makeup was smudged. Instead she went back out into the town and headed for a clothes shop, there she bought some jeans, an Abercrombie and Fitch jumper, a plain top and some Converse. She had spent the money she was going to use to get a new coat. She then headed to the Pharmacists and bought makeup remover and plain makeup and a hair brush. She then headed into the mall and went into the bathroom and changed into her clothes, she then took off the makeup she was wearing and applied some of the new things she got. Then she went to the mirror and brushed out the tangles in her hair. When she was done she headed to a Patisserie and brought some coffee and pastries for her and Carly to eat. She walked back to Carly's, she opened the door and saw Carly sitting at the table again with a phone set in front of her and her cell phone in her ear.

"She had blonde curly hair, blue eyes and is kinda short!" She was shouting down the phone at somebody. Sam realised she was talking about her; she quickly ran over to her and grabbed the phone put of her ear and hung up.

"Why did you phone the police?" Sam shouted.

"Because I thought you had been murdered and taken!" Carly replied.

"Well I'm here now!"

"But you weren't before, and anyway where were you?"

"I was with my mom!"

"Were you?"

"Yeah she phoned me last night and asked me to come over, I was going to tell you but I didn't want you to get all worried and go is that the right thing to do after what happened last time"

"Okay, did you go shopping this morning?"

"Yes, why and how did you know that?"

"Well because you have tags on all of your clothes and I like your outifit"

"That is embarrassing"

"Very" Carly added smiling.

"Thanks"

"You're welcome"

"Want some breakfast?"

"What did you get?"

"Coffee and pastries"

"Give me them!" Sam laughed as she handed Carly a coffee and some pastries, though deep down inside of her there was a nagging voice that was saying 'you lied to Carly, you LIED!' Sam ignored the voice as best as she could but it was still there, still nagging her.

Freddie woke up to the sound of someone singing, he rubbed his eyes before he realised Amy was cooking food. He shot out of bed and ran into the kitchen; Amy cooking normally meant that the whole house would catch a light at any moment.

"CALIFORNIA GURLS!" Amy sang loudly and out of tune, Freddie covered his ears before composing his posture and walking towards her. He gently tapped her on the shoulder

"Amy?" She turned around and smiled brightly, her teeth were bleached white and looked horrific.

"Morning baby" She replied and hugged him.

"Morning, are you sure you should be cooking?"

"Whys shouldn't I be?"

"Because when you do you kinda burn the whole house down" Freddie joked but Amy's face crumpled and she threw down her cloth and turned to face him.

"Shut up! I have to cook because you are too cheap to get a cook! If you had a better job we could have all those things that I want!"

"Ughh, I hate you! You don't even work!"

"Yes I do!"

"Oh yeah in a shop which loses more money than it makes and you only earn a few extra dollars a month!"

"At least I work, some of my friends don't!"

"I don't care!"

"Well you should!"

"Why did I marry you? I wish I had married Sam! At least I loved her!

"You were never gonna marry her, who wants to marry a bitch?" Amy scoffed, Freddie's eyes lit up with anger as he grabbed the pan that had bacon that had been cooking in it and threw it against the wall. Amy had fear in her eyes as she backed away towards the bedroom and shut the door before locking it. Freddie grabbed his car keys not caring that he wasn't dressed and went to his car and started the engine. He knew where he was going, he knew what he was going to do, he knew what he had to do.


	7. Chapter 6 Meeting

**Hello, like the story so far? Hope you do. Who do you think is at the door? Who do you want to be at the door? Send me a review if you think you know tell me! I do not own iCarly!**

Freddie pulled up outside the building Carly lived in and ran up the stairs, he knocked at the door loudly now caring if she was asleep of not. Carly opened the door looking rather dishevelled and tired when she saw Freddie her eyes widened.

"Where is she?" Freddie demanded to know, Carly forged ignorance.

"Where's who?"

"Sam, you must know where she is, you made her write the letter!" Carly looked guilty as she turned her attention to the floor before she replied.

"She left" Carly muttered, Freddie knew she was lying but decided to play along with her.

"Oh, okay. If you see her can you tell her I want to talk to her?" Carly looked up in surprise.

"Um, yeah sure"

"Thanks Carly, you're a great friend" Carly felt a pang of guilt run through her body, but she shook it off.

"I'm really not but thanks. Bye"

"Good bye!" Freddie walked away and heard Carly shut the door, he then headed down the stairs and walked around to the far side of the building and headed towards the fire escape stairs. He jogged slowly up the stairs and looked for the right fire escape; he looked in numerous windows with no luck until he finally saw Carly's room. He tried to open the window which luckily was open but was incredibly heavy and Freddie struggled to open it. When he finally got in he walked out of Carly's room and started to creep down the hall, he heard the shower on in the bathroom and realised that Sam or Carly were showering, he quickly ran into the spare room to see clothes strewn on the floor and a small bag in the corner. He wandered around the room and saw a cell phone charging, he flipped it open and scrolled through the messages, they were all from men and said things about money and sex. Freddie felt repulsed; he finished looking through the messages and put the phone back. He started to look through the bag; it contained old tiny clothes and condoms. Freddie put the bag back and stood up; he heard the bathroom door open.

"Shit!" Freddie whispered to himself, he quickly ran to the door and hid behind it. Even though he had wanted to talk to Sam the idea of it seemed scary and the idea seemed stupid. He held his breath as someone walked through the door. He only saw the back of the woman but he knew it was Sam because of the way she walked and her hair. Freddie watched as she dried herself, he felt incredibly pervy and disgusting but he couldn't pull his eyes away from her. She then threw the towels to the ground and walked to the wardrobe, he saw her skin was red and raw, he looked incredibly painful. She looked through the closet before she finally grabbed a pair of jeans, a plain top and a grey woolly cardigan. She shoved the clothes on before she grabbed a pair of slippers and slipped them on her feet; suddenly she turned around and saw Freddie. Sam opened her mouth to scream but before she could Freddie had run over and shove3d his hand over her mouth.

"Please don't scream Sam, I just want to talk" Freddie begged, slowly he removed his hand away from her mouth.

"Why are you here?" Sam whispered tears had started to fall down her cheeks. Freddie reached to rub them away but Sam jerked her head away and Freddie's hand fell down.

"I want to talk" Freddie explained.

"We have talked, I sent you a letter and you sent one back and then I sent another one. I said not to respond!" Sam said.

"I know but I had to talk to you"

"Why?"

"Because Sam, I miss you and even if you don't I care about you"

"No you don't, you stopped caring the day you sent that text"

"I never stopped caring, Sam" Sam looked away and wiped a few tears from her face before she turned to him again.

"Stop lying!"

"I'm not!"

"You are, just go back to your perfect life!"

"You think my life is perfect?"

"Well compared to mine Freddie it seems pretty good!"

"You have no idea Sam, no idea!"

"Well you have a good job, a beautiful wife and an amazing house!"

"So what, you think I'm happy? Do you think I'm happy living my life as a lie?"

"What do you mean a lie?"

"I mean I'm playing a role, a part and that I'm acting like a robot!"

"Well that's better that sleeping with men for money!" Sam suddenly screamed, as soon as she had said it she regretted it. Sam hung her head and Freddie stood there feeling disgusted. He then remembered all the hints, in the letters and the texts on her phone. Freddie looked at Sam who had tried to shrink away from sight but was still standing in front of him. She looked alone and scared, Freddie felt terrible and suddenly pulled Sam into a hug. Sam tried to push him away but he held her tight, soon she relaxed into his chest and hugged him back. She then broke down crying, Freddie held her as she wept.

Carly had heard the conversation between Sam and Freddie but hadn't gone in and said anything. They needed time alone, they needed to make up and heal. Carly had heard the screaming followed by the sound of sobbing, she didn't move from her seat. Carly for the first time in her life didn't know what to do. She had always been the one with a plan, always the one who looked after other people but now she felt like she needed someone to look after her. She wanted to scream and cry, she wanted to talk about how she felt, she wanted someone to listen to her and tell her everything was going to be okay. Carly started to cry, first it was silent then it grew louder and louder until her crying blocked out the sound of Sam's.

Freddie was still cradling Sam when he heard another person wailing, he recognised the noise and realised it was Carly's. He didn't know what to do, he couldn't leave Sam but he couldn't leave Carly alone. Freddie then had an idea; he gently led Sam to the door. Sam whimpered louder and suddenly she wrapped her arms around his neck and jumped up wrapping her legs around his waist and Freddie realised she wanted to be carried. He gently chuckled as he carried Sam down the stairs, when he finally got to the bottom he saw Carly on the couch crying. He set Sam down of the floor before he went to Carly, he tapped her on the shoulder and she looked at him with big, fat tears rolling down her cheeks. She then burst into more tears, Sam did the same and Freddie was stuck between the two of them. He started to panic; he didn't know how to deal with the situation. Suddenly the door flung open.


	8. Chapter 8 Spencer

Freddie stared at the figure that stood in the door; their expression was of shock and relief. Freddie stood up and looked at the figure

"Spencer!" He shouted Spencer didn't even hear him he was too concentrated wondering why there were two girls sobbing on his apartment floor. He suddenly snapped into action

"Freddie! Go and make two cups of hot chocolate and then put on the Girly Cow box set!" Freddie quickly started to make the hot chocolate whilst Spencer helped Carly onto the couch. He then turned his attention to Sam, the girl who had been missing for years, his sister's best friend, the girl who used to basically live in his house. Gently he pulled Sam up and led her to the couch; he set her down next to Carly. The two were still crying hysterically when Freddie brought over the hot chocolate, he set them on the table before he turned the TV on and put the Girly Cow disk into the machine. The girl's cries started to stop. Soon they were just sniffing and rubbing their red, swollen eyes.

"Are you two okay?" Freddie asked, Carly nodded her head but Sam didn't respond. Spencer sat on the sofa in between the two girls and smiled at them both. Carly smiled back but once again Sam didn't respond.

"Sam?" Spencer asked. No reply. "Sam?" Spencer asked again. Still no reply, she just sat there staring at the TV screen.

"What's the matter Sam?" Freddie asked as he sat on the floor beside her. Still no answer, Carly was starting to look worried now.

"Please Sam, tell us" Carly said. Sam suddenly stood up and threw a cup against the wall causing it to shatter to the floor in a million tiny pieces. Carly now looked scared and sunk into the couch; Spencer stood up and faced Sam whilst Freddie just stayed where he was and stared at her.

"Leave me alone!" Sam screamed before she ran out of the door. Carly started to cry again and Spencer tried to comfort her whilst Freddie ran after Sam. He ran out of the apartment building and onto the street before chasing her into the town centre, he then lost her. He stopped running. He felt like such an idiot, he should have caught her, he should have stopped her-no he shouldn't have left her. Freddie went into a bar and drank until he started to throw up and was kicked out, he staggered along the street until he found a Taxi. He jumped in and slurred where to go to the Taxi driver. When he got back to his house he saw Amy flicking through a magazine, he glared at her. She looked at him with fear, she didn't say anything. Freddie didn't want to waste his energy talking to her but he needed to know something.

"Amy?" He asked.

"Yes"

"Why did you call Sam a bitch when you don't even know her?" Amy looked startled by his question but managed to stay composed.

"It was a spur of the moment thing, I was angry. I'm sure she's not a bitch" As she answered the question she seemed nervous and after she had answered she started to bite her nails, which was something she never did. Freddie knew she was lying but decided to not ask her anymore, it would just lead to another fight and Freddie was not in the mood, instead he staggered to the bedroom and fell onto the bed. He fell asleep instantly.

Sam kept running, she ran and ran not caring that she was lost, not caring Freddie had ran after her and not caring that Carly was probably upset. Soon she had to stop, she was panting heavily and her speed had dropped since she first ran out of the apartment. She felt like an idiot, why did she throw the cup? Why didn't she reply to their stupid questions? Ughh, her head was filled with the blaring noise of drunken men. She looked around and saw one of the bars she used to come to, a long, long time ago. Memories of her past started to swirl around her, covering her, smothering her to the ground. It was like a cloud of fog hitting her in the face, she tried to scream but found her mouth intoxicated when she opened it, she hit the floor and curled up into a ball. She started to cry as she thought about the mistakes she made, all the times she ran away when she should have stayed.

Spencer was sitting in the kitchen whilst Carly slept on the sofa. Her eyes were red and puffy; her usually pale face was red and blotchy. Spencer gazed at her sleeping figure, she kept sniffling whilst she slept and occasionally would call out to Sam. Spencer's mind drifted back to her, how she had disappeared without a trace, how she had just left without even a note. He remembered how Carly had been the first time Sam left, how she had cried for months, how she couldn't sleep without waking up screaming, how she wouldn't eat more than a mouthful at meals. He doubted this time would be any different. Though Sam might come back, maybe she just needed time to cool off. Spencer knew he was kidding himself but he wanted to believe it so badly. He heard movement from the living room; he glanced in to see Carly sitting up running her eyes.

"Hey" Spencer said softly, Carly just glanced at him. She didn't smile or even nod to acknowledge him, she just stared. She walked into the kitchen and sat next to him still in her mummy like state. Spencer sighed heavily and reached for the news paper.

"Why did she run again?" Carly whispered her voice was hoarse and croaky. Spencer placed the news paper down and grabbed her hand, he held it tightly.

"I don't know" Spencer replied truthfully.

"Why did she have to go again?"

"Maybe she needs time"

"Time?" Carly stood up and looked furiously at Spencer "She's had eight bloody years!"

"I know, but Carly you need to understand Sam has had it hard" Carly glanced at the floor "She just needs to think about everything, that's all. She'll be back one day, for good."

"You promise?"

"I promise" Spencer replied, he then hugged Carly. He hoped Sam would return soon for Carly's sake, for his and Freddie's.


	9. Chapter 9 A Single Smile

Freddie woke up with Amy next to him, her arms draped over him. He gently moved away from her and got out of the bed, his head was spinning. He went to the bathroom and grabbed a pain killer, it eased his pounding head and he sighed with relief. He headed into the kitchen and made a coffee for himself; he leant against the island in the middle of the kitchen and glanced around the room. It was spotless, the granite surfaces were sparkling, the oven was gleaming but yet Freddie felt as if it wasn't somehow right. He finished making his coffee and sipped it; he heard movement in the bedroom but no footsteps heading towards the kitchen. Relief washed through him, at least he didn't have to try and engage in a conversation with her. He couldn't believe his mum had thought they would work out, in fact he couldn't believe he had married her at all.

Sam woke up surrounded by smoke; she coughed as she rubbed her eyes to clear them. She saw no-one but heard voices around her closing in, she heard a familiar voice but couldn't make out who it was. Suddenly she felt someone haul her up, she screamed but a hand covered her mouth before it got too loud. Suddenly Sam feared that something was going to happen, she froze and waited for the man to drag her somewhere. But nothing happened and slowly Sam opened her eyes. In front of her was Griffin, he was wearing some jeans, a T-shirt and a light jacket, he smiled at Sam.

"Hey Sam" Was all he said, Sam smiled and hugged him tightly, he returned the hug.

"Hi" Sam whispered back. Griffin pulled back and looked at her.

"Where have you been?"

"Around" Sam simply replied. Griffin nodded and smiled again.

"Sounds cool, maybe I should try it sometime"

"Haha, funny" Sam said sarcastically, Griffin bowed.

"I know, thank you!" Sam smiled and felt relaxed for the first time in days. "You know Carls is worried sick about you, she wants you to come back. She wants you safe" Sam started to fiddle with her finger nail as she stared at the floor.

"Tell her I'm sorry, tell her I need time."

"No can do, already did, well Spencer did and she just said she's had bloody time"

"I know she can't understand, I don't expect her to, I just want to be able to think things over before I see her again."

"I know you need time but Sam, she's waited for you to come back. She was a mess for ages, she still is and you disappearing is not helping with that!" Sam's eyes glazed over with tears. Griffin patted her on the back and she laughed slightly.

"She doesn't know how painful it is to see her and not feel awful, not to feel the pain from my past. I want to live a normal life but I can't! I'm disgusting and I have no future!" Sam started to sob but this time Griffin couldn't snap her out of it instead he was left with a bawling woman in the middle of a desolated street. He pulled put his phone and dialled Carly's number, she answered immediately. He told her he was with Sam and that he needed her to come and get them, Carly didn't need to be told twice. She arrived ten minutes later; she hopped out of her car and ran towards Griffin and Sam.

"Help me get her in the car!" Carly nodded and helped Griffin pull Sam up off the ground; they then helped her to the car. Griffin sat in the driver's seat and Carly sat in the back with Sam next to her. When they arrived at Bushwell plaza Griffin and Carly hauled Sam up the stairs, they went into the apartment and Carly made her sit on the couch.

"Thanks" She said as she turned to Griffin, Griffin smiled lightly.

"No problem, you know I'd do anything for you" Carly smiled at him, she looked at Sam before asking Griffin

"How did you know where she was?"

"I didn't, I just went around some pubs which had a reputation for..." Griffin trailed off glancing at Carly who just nodded

"I understand, anyway want a coffee?" Griffin shook his head.

"Sorry, I've got to get back to work but another time yeah?" Carly nodded her head gently, Griffin smiled at her once more before he hugged her.

"Bye" She said once they had pulled away from each other, Griffin walked over to the door and headed back to work whilst Carly sat next to Sam on the couch.

"Can you tell me why you ran?" Carly asked her, Sam looked up at her; her eyes were red and puffy.

"No"

"Why not?"

"Because I don't know why I did it"

"Oh"

"Yeah I know, lame or what?"

"It's not lame, you just need time" Sam looked at Carly and smiled at her, Carly was surprised. Sam finally looked herself, her blue eyes had lit up, her smile was genuine and she looked carefree, yet it was the first since she had met her again. A single smile.


	10. Chapter 10 Why Did You Love Me?

Freddie felt sadness as he listened to Griffin telling him about where he had found Sam,

"You mean you found her at The Fishermen's Cave, that disgusting place?"

"Well near there yeah" Freddie breathed in deeply, he couldn't believe she had been there. That was a place well known for prostitutes applying their trade. He shuddered at the thought of Sam there, picking up random men who were willing to pay for her... services.

"When did you find her?"

"Um, I dunno, about 9.30"

"Okay, Griffin can I ask you to do something for me?"

"Um, depends"

"I was wondering if you wanted to take Carly out this evening."

"I don't think she'd leave Sam by herself"

"She will don't worry"

"Um, okay"

"Bye Griffin" Freddie said before he hung up leaving a freaked out Griffin thinking about their conversation.

Sam and Carly had been talking for the past hour when the phone rang; Carly stood up and answered it

"Hello, Shay residence"

"Hey Carly"

"Hey Griffin, how are you?"

"I'm fine, how are you?"

"I'm okay"

"I was wondering if you wanted to go to dinner tonight." There was a pause and Griffin could imagine Carly leaning back and thinking of a reply for him, he heard her sigh before saying

"That would be great, thank you" Griffin was shocked, he hadn't expected her to say yes but he was happy she had.

"Great, shall I pick you up at 7?"

"Seven sounds perfect, I'll see you then"

"Bye"

"Bye" Carly hung up and glanced over at Sam who was playing with a strand of her hair, Carly smiled and sat back down next to her. Sam glanced up and smiled lightly at her before returning her attention back to her hair.

"Sam, I'm going out to dinner with Griffin tonight"

"Really, that sounds great"

"Yeah, and Spencer's going to see a movie with Socko so you're gonna be here alone. Can you promise me something?" Sam looked at her and nodded, Carly sat up straight and looked her in the eyes

"Promise me you'll be here when I get back"

"Carly, I promise I'll be here when you get back" Carly smiled and hugged Sam tightly.

"Thank you" She whispered to her.

"You're welcome, now come on lets pick out an outfit for you!" Sam shouted before she grabbed Carly's hand and pulled her up the stairs. They ran into Carly's room and Sam immediately started to rummage through her clothes, throwing them on the floor in different directions. She finally found something she thought Carly should wear, it was a white dress that went down to the knees that had on strap with a pink belt around it and a pair or silver heels that added elegance to the outfit. Sam waited while Carly took a shower and did her hair, Sam insisted on doing her makeup which was Carly thought was very strange. She applied mascara lightly, silver eye liner, a clear gloss and a small amount of blusher. Carly changed and looked at herself in the mirror and smiled, she hadn't looked this happy in ages.

"You look great" Sam said.

"Thanks, you did a really good job with my makeup and outfit"

"I have a talent"

"Yeah you do"

"Anyway you better get down stairs, Griffin is gonna be here soon" Sam pushed Carly towards the stairs, "I'll stay here, you go!"

"See you later!"

"Promise"

"I promise!"

"Okay, bye" Sam sighed and waited for Griffin to knock on the door, once he did and Carly had left Sam ran into the room she was staying in and changed into one of her slutty outfits and grabbed her bag and headed for the door. Once she was out on the street she felt a shiver run down her spine, it was freezing and she had forgot a jacket but instead of heading back she went to The Fishermen's Cave. It was the best place for the high payers; also there were lots to choose from. Once she was inside she headed to the bar and ordered a cocktail and sipped it delicately as she scanned the room looking for the perfect candidate, soon she spotted a man in his thirties glancing at her wistfully. She shimmied out of the bar area and headed towards him, she sat down next to him and smiled.

"Hey" She said.

"Hi"

"My name's Hayley, what's yours?"

"Derek, nice to meet you"

"Likewise, come here often?"

"No, just thought it looked interesting and wanted a change of scene"

"Oh, really?"

"Yes"

"Sounds like you have a stressful life, how do you relax?" Sam asked cocking her head to one side, Derek smiled and grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly.

"I think you know how"

"Oh I do?" Suddenly Sam pulled her hand away as she realised what she was doing, how disgusting she was. She stood up and headed to the door but she felt someone grab her hand and pull her back, she glanced back to see Derek with a red, angry face looking at her.

"Where are you going?"

"Home"

"You haven't down anything for me yet"

"I have to go"

"Have to or want to?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes, you're coming with me" Derek grabbed her wrist and dragged her to the back of the room and forced her onto one of the old couches and forced her onto one, he started to kiss her. Sam tried to push him off but he was too heavy for her, she tried to scream but he twisted her wrist to keep her quiet. Suddenly she felt him bet off of her, she opened her eyes. She was shocked by what she saw, Freddie was standing above her, his face was red and he looked angry.

"Come with me" He said to Sam, he took her hand and led her out of the crowded bar onto the cold street. When they were outside he looked her up and down in disgust.

"What were you doing in there?"

"Trying to earn money, some people don't have amazing jobs!" Sam snapped, Freddie glared at her with his brown eyes.

"I know that but maybe you could have at least tried to get a job in a cafe or restaurant! But no you had to go with sleeping with someone!"

"I had to take this job!"

"Why was that Sam, because you were too lazy to do anything else, because you enjoy sleeping with pervy old men?"

"No, because I needed money!"

"You could have down something else!"

"Like what?"

"I don't know cleaning?"

"Ughh, if you hadn't left and then dumped me I wouldn't have this job!"

"Don't blame this all on me!"

"Why?"

"Because you chose to run away, you chose to not come back! You hurt Carly and Spencer!" Freddie added "You also hurt me" In a whisper, Sam heard him though and glanced at is pained expression.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have blamed you. I don't know why I took this job, I just did"

"No you should blame me I destroyed everything, you were hurt and betrayed. It is my fault. Sam I'm sorry, please can you forgive me?"

"I don't know" Freddie looked taken back and hurt by this last statement.

"Excuse me?"

"You hurt me too bad, I can't just forget it"

"But Sam-"

"No, don't just Sam me! You ruined me, you were selfish and mean! I hate you, you changed me for the worst, don't talk to me again!" Sam turned to leave but Freddie pulled her back to face him.

"Do you have any idea what I went through out there?" Freddie yelled Sam's head hung down. "That's what I thought; you think I had it easy? I thought I was going to die, I thought I was never going to see you again! I thought I had to end it!"

"By text, you didn't even have the guts to phone me!" Freddie looked away and sighed.

"I know how I did it was wrong but I was scared that if I heard your voice I wouldn't be able to do it"

"Oh so being with me was that awful?" Sam spat, tears started to dribble down her face and Freddie felt bad.

"Oh please don't cry Sam, please!"

"Why shouldn't I?"

"Because I didn't mean that it was awful being with you! I meant that just hearing your voice would have made everything better!" Sam sniffed.

"You mean you really did love me?"

"Of course I did Sam, of course I did"

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you love me?"

"Because you're Sam, you're beautiful, you're special, you're smart, and you're unique. There are so many other reasons why I loved you Sam, too many for just a brief meeting" Sam surprised Freddie by resting her head on his chest and wrapping her arms around his shoulders, Freddie smiled and wrapped his arms around her waist.


	11. Chapter 11 Running Away

"Do you she'll be okay?" Carly asked Griffin. Griffin looked up from the menu and glanced at Carly raising his eye brows.

"Yes, I am sure she'll be fine. Now, please stop thinking about her, this evening is about us remember"

"Sorry" Griffin just smiled and returned his attention to the menu, Carly tried to read hers but she couldn't concentrate. "Are you sure she's okay?"

"Yes, would you like to phone her?" Griffin asked.

"Please, then I won't ask again I promise" Griffin smiled and handed her his phone, she smiled and walked out of the restaurant.

Freddie was driving Sam back to Bushwell Plaza; the journey had been silent far. Freddie glanced over at Sam; she was gazing out of the window at the moon that was shining brightly that night.

"You okay?" Freddie asked her, she looked at him and nodded.

"I'm fine just thinking" She replied.

"About what?"

"Doesn't matter" Freddie gave her a 'you can't fool me' look, Sam smiled lightly.

"Yes it does, now tell me!" Freddie insisted.

"Okay fine, I will. I was just thinking about us"

"Oh" Freddie said lightly wishing he hadn't asked what she was thinking.

"Yeah, I know. I was just remembering all those times we had together, and how much I loved you"

"I'm sorry for hurting you" Freddie blurted out, Sam just shook her head.

"I know I forgive you" Freddie gulped.

"Do you know what I regret the most in my life?" Sam looked at his smirking slightly amused.

"What?"

"Leaving you" Sam was stunned and she fell silent, Freddie regretted what he had just said. The rest of the drive was in silence, an awkward silence. They finally arrived and Sam got out of the car rather quickly, she then ran into the building and out of Freddie's sight. Freddie hit his head with his hand and said

"Stupid, stupid Freddie" He climbed out of the car and headed towards Bushwell Plaza, slowly he trudged up the stairs towards Carly's apartment. When he got to the door he saw it was open, from the inside he heard a low crying sound. He walked in and saw Sam's bag on the table, it was open, and in the kitchen he saw Sam sitting at the table holding a letter in an envelope.

"Sam?" Freddie called out, she turned around and sniffed.

"Freddie, what are you doing here? Why did you come up?"

"Because I know you were upset by what I said, I want to say sorry, again"

"You didn't upset me, you made me feel loved"

"Sam you are loved!"

"By who?"

"Carly, Spencer, your sister, Griffin!"

"What about you?" Sam asked as she stood up and faced him, Freddie paused before answering.

"Especially me Sam, I regret everything bad that went wrong between us"

"I do too"

"Sam I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for ruining your life, I'm sorry for forcing you into prostitution, I'm sorry for making you run away" Freddie started to sob and he fell to the ground, Sam stared at him.

"Freddie please stop it, I want to forget the past and you keep bringing it up"

"Okay" Freddie said as he stood up and wiped the tears off his face. Sam smiled at his before putting the letter she had in her hand in her bag; she then headed back into the kitchen.

"Want a coffee?" She asked Freddie.

"Sure, but-"

"I know" Sam cut him off "No milk, but three sugars" Freddie looked surprised.

"You remember?" He asked her.

"Of course I do, I made it every morning for a year. When you left I always used to make it out of force of habit and Carly used to get annoyed that I was wasting her food" Freddie smiled lightly before he sat down at the kitchen table. Sam returned a few moments later, two coffees in her hands. She slid one over to him and took a sip of her own, she smiled at him lightly.

"Thanks" Freddie said.

"You're welcome" Sam sighed before she said "What was it like?"

"What was what like?"

"Being in the Navy" Freddie leant back in his chair and sighed.

"It was scary, sometimes, but I liked it a lot" Sam thought about his answer and how it seemed like he was hiding something, but she didn't ask him anymore. Sam decided to turn on the radio to ease the silence; a slow song was playing so Sam changed the channel. They sat listening to the music when a familiar song started to play; it was Running Away by AM. Sam's eyes widened as did Freddie's; they looked at each other sheepishly. Freddie stood up slowly ad walked over to Sam, he offered his hand to her. She looked at it confused, she hit it.

"Why did you hit my hand?" Freddie asked cradling his hand, Sam shrugged.

"I thought you wanted me to"

"No, I was offering my hand to you, I wondered if you wanted to dance?"

"Ohh, okay, sure" Sam stood up and took Freddie's hand; she placed her head on his shoulder and wrapped her arms around her neck whilst Freddie wrapped his arms around her waist. Sam breathed in Freddie's scent and smiled how she had missed this feeling of security. The song came to an end and the two separated, Sam looked awkwardly into Freddie's eyes and grinned. Freddie smiled at her; they stood there for what seemed hours when the door opened revealing a rather dishevelled Carly followed by a pissed off looking Griffin who came in behind her.

"Omg Sam you're okay" Carly squealed before engulfing her in a massive bear hug, Sam stumbled backwards

"Yes I am, now can you please stop trying to kill me" Carly laughed nervously before standing back, she smiled and looked at Griffin happily.

"You were right" She said.

"Yeah I was but that doesn't matter because now the restaurant is closed and we haven't spent any time together without you worrying about her!" Griffin said as he pointed at Sam, Freddie stood protectively in front of Sam.

"Hey this isn't her fault!" Freddie replied.

"No it's not, it's her fault!" He said pointing at Carly who was staring at the floor with a vacant expression on her face. Sam put her arm around Carly and glared at Griffin.

"No it's not; she was just being a good friend! Like she's always been, don't get mad at her! It is my fault; I ran away, I made her go out of her mind with worry" Sam sighed. "Maybe I shouldn't have come back" Carly looked up alarmed.

"You aren't going to leave are you?"

"No I won't but you need to stop worrying about me all the time, I promise I won't leave, I promise" Carl nodded and walked over to Griffin and kissed him,

"I'm sorry" She whispered in his ear.

"I'm sorry too; want to go get a drink?" Carly nodded and Griffin smiled and waved at Freddie and Sam before walking out of the door, Carly in tow. Sam smiled as the two left and then turned to Freddie

"Did you set them up again?"

"Yeah"

"Good job!" She replied.

"I better go, I have work tomorrow" Freddie said and Sam nodded sadly.

"I know, thanks for tonight"

"You're welcome"

"It meant a lot" Freddie smiled and headed for the door, he paused and turned around

"You want to get lunch tomorrow?"

"Sure" Sam nodded.

"I'll pick you up from here at 12, k?"

"Yep, I'll be here"

"You better be!" And with that Freddie left the building feeling at peace with himself for the first time in eight years, and it felt good.


	12. Chapter 12 Strange

Carly woke up the next morning with a smile on her face; she rolled over to face Griffin. He was still asleep so Carly decided to get up and surprise him by making breakfast. She headed into the kitchen and started to make eggs and bacon; once they were down she set them at the table and made a pot of coffee. She heard the door creek and she turned around to see Griffin looking amused, he smiled at her.

"Want some breakfast?" Carly asked whilst doing a cute giggle.

"Sure, thanks" He said as he sat down in front of the plate of food. Carly poured out some coffee and grabbed some for her; she sat down next to Griffin and sipped it quietly.

"Enjoy it?" Carly asked after Griffin had finished.

"It was great, thank you"

"You're welcome, glad you enjoyed it"

"I'm sorry about last night"

"It's okay"

"No it's not, I need to make it up to you" Carly cocked her head to one side and grinned cheekily.

"I can think of one or two ways you can do that"

"Oh really?"

"Oh yes!" With that Carly sat on Griffin's lap and kissed him lightly, Griffin returned the kiss. He then stood up and lifted Carly and carried her bridal style back to the bedroom.

Freddie woke up that morning and smiled, he heard someone in the kitchen. He stood up and showered before heading into the kitchen, he saw Amy with a coffee and a trashy magazine. He raised his eye brows at her but said nothing; instead he poured himself a coffee and sat down opposite her. Amy looked up and smiled, Freddie smiled back.

"Morning" Freddie said.

"You were back late last night" Amy said quietly.

"Oh yeah, I was working. There's a big project coming up and I need to be prepared, it could mean another promotion!" Freddie said lying smoothly.

"Sure" Amy said obviously not buying it.

"It's true!" Freddie insisted.

"Fine" Amy stood up and out her coffee mug into the dish washed before grabbing her purse and car keys.

"I didn't know you have work today" Freddie said.

"I'm saving up for a new dress, so I asked my boss if I could work an extra day" She then walked over and kissed Freddie gently.

"I could have bought it for you, you know" Freddie said feeling confused.

"I want to buy it for myself" Amy then smiled and waved before she walked out of the house. Freddie felt confused; Amy hated work and hated buying things for herself. It seemed strange but Freddie didn't want to waste his time on her so he decided to get some work done before he picked Sam up for lunch. He went to the fridge and grabbed a couple of beers and drained them, he had been so long, it seemed, since he had last had a drink. Then he had vodka, once he had finished his vodka he washed the bottles and up, he put the bottles in the recycle bin and the cup back into the cupboard. He ran upstairs to his office and worked until it was 11.45, then he grabbed his wallet, phones and keys and headed out to pick up Sam.

Sam was sat on the couch when Carly walked in; Sam looked up and smiled at her knowingly.

"How was last night?" Sam asked.

"It was good" Carly replied as she headed over to the fridge and grabbed some lemonade. "Want some?" She asked Sam.

"No thanks" Carly nodded and grabbed herself a glass before she sat next to Sam on the couch.

"Where are you going Missis?"

"Oh, Freddie and I are getting some lunch" Carly's eye brows raised and she sighed, she then set her drink down and looked Sam in the eye.

"Is that such a good idea? I mean I'm glad you two are sorta friends again but don't you think this is pushing it?"

"What do you mean 'pushing it'?"

"I mean you obviously want more than just a friendship and he's MARRIED Sam, you can't go around sleeping with a married man it's not right!" Carly covered her mouth as soon as she said it, she realised it was the worst possible thing to have said. "I'm so sorry Sam, I forgo, I didn't mean it" Carly placed her hand on Sam's shoulder but Sam just shrugged it off and stood up.

"You're right, I can't. When Freddie arrives please tell him something came up and I couldn't make it" Sam grabbed her bag and ran out of the apartment, Carly hit herself in the head with her hand and ran over to the phone. She dialled Griffin's number and waited for him to answer

"Hello"

"Griffin Sam's gone again!"

"Calm down, what happened?" Carly told him everything that had happened since she had gotten back from his house.

"... And then she just ran out!"

"Carly I really think she just needs space, look I mean you must have hurt her" Carly cringed and felt her face go red "And she probably just needs to think about it and sort out her feelings, we all need to do that once in a while, don't we"

"Yeah, I guess we do."

"There you go no need to worry. She'll be back this evening or at the latest tomorrow, I promise"

"Okay, thank you Griffin you're great"

"I know I am" Carly laughed lightly.

"See you later, I love you"

"I love you too" With that Carly hung up and sat back down on the sofa and sighed, she reached for her book and tried to forget about Sam but she found it increasingly hard to do.


	13. Chapter 13 Really

Freddie knocked on Carly and Spencer's door, he waited for an answer. The door opened to reveal Carly, she smiled nervously at him

"Hi"

"Hey, is Sam ready yet?" He asked smiling.

"Um no, Sam kinda ran off again" Freddie looked upset and worried.

"Why?" He asked Carly, Carly just looked at the floor and felt her cheeks redden again.

"We had an argument and I said some things that made her upset, then she just left" Freddie felt anger boil inside of him.

"What the hell! Carly why do you always make Sam feel awful? Do you enjoy it? Do you think it makes you better? If you do then just remember it doesn't!" Freddie headed back to the door and left Carly sniffling in her apartment. He ran down the stairs and headed to his car, once he was in he reversed and got out of the parking lot, he then headed towards the 'The Fishermen's Cave'. He knew she'd be there, drowning her sorrows and trying to make a few dollars. Once he arrived he parked his car and headed towards the entrance, when he was inside he could smell tobacco and sweat, not a good combination. He searched the room for her blonde hair but had no luck in spotting her; instead he headed to the bar and ordered a drink for himself. He drained it as soon as it arrived and ordered another, then another and another. Finally he spotted her coming out of a room with a man behind her; she turned around and grabbed the cash in his hand before scuttling away. Freddie suddenly felt sick, sick with the thought that he led her to do that, that he ruined her life. He tried to stand up but the bar was too crowded, Freddie pushed through the crowds and got outside to see her walking down an alley.

"Sam!" He shouted, she turned and when she saw him her eyes widened and a tear dripped down her face. "Sam" He said again, this time only a whisper he could hear. He ran to her and picked her up and cradled her in his chest, she sobbed into him. "Why would you come back here Sam?"

"I don't know" Sam choked out; Freddie rubbed her hair and shushed her.

"Let's get you home"

"No, I don't want to go back to Carly's house, no!" Sam said as she struggled.

"Not there" Freddie promised as he led her to his car, he helped her sit down and then strapped her in. He got into the car and started to drive, he knew the way off by heart. He used to go there all the time, Sam's home. Once they arrived Freddie stopped the car and glanced at Sam, she was staring at the house in front of her with disbelief. Freddie opened his door and walked around to Sam's, he helped her out and then grabbed her hand and led her towards the front door. Instead of knocking he took a key out o his pocket and slid it into the keyhole. The door creaked as it slid open; dust had collected over the years. The furniture was covered with sheets; Sam slowly walked in and looked around.

"You bought it?" Freddie nodded.

"I promised I would, didn't I?"

"Yeah but I didn't think you would"

"Why? Because I destroyed your heart and left you in the cold?" Sam nodded, tears running down her face.

"Yeah because you did that" She whispered, Freddie wiped her tears away with his fingers, he then pushed the hair out of her face and cupped her face with his hands. Sam trembled as he leant towards her, his breath smelt of alcohol, but somehow it was soothing and comforting. Sam felt herself lean in too, soon their lips met and fireworks explode around the house. Sam wrapped her arms around Freddie's neck and deepened the kiss; Freddie wrapped Sam's legs around his waist and pulled her up towards him. He then carried her up stairs to the bedroom, they stayed there for hours making love and holding each other in the moonlight. Freddie told Sam how much he loved her and how he hated himself for leaving her, Sam told him how much it hurt when he was gone and how much she loved him. They slept in till the late afternoon, when they woke they went to a diner and got some lunch. Freddie then drove them to a park, they spent the rest of the afternoon there talking and kissing.

"I have to go" Freddie said as he glanced at his watch.

"Why?" Sam whined stroking his hair.

"Amy will get suspicious"

"Fine, but first can we feed the ducks?" Freddie smiled the small child that lived in Sam, he nodded.

"Okay, but first we have to buy some bread"

"Okay," Sam replied, they stood up and linked arms as they walked towards a little van that sold bread, ice cream and candy. Freddie brought the bread and they headed towards the pond, he handed Sam the bread and she threw it in almost immediately. Freddie sat down on the grass and watched her, her hair was a mess and her clothes were slutty and cheap but Freddie never thought she had looked so beautiful. Once she had finished she came over and Freddie stood up, they walked back towards the car hand-in-hand. When they were driving down the main road Sam suddenly broke the peaceful silence that had been dominating since they had left the park

"Was this a mistake?" Freddie looked at her.

"No, why, do you think it was a mistake?"

"I don't know, to me it wasn't but you're still going back to Amy which meant it was nothing and was probably a mistake"

"Sam I love you not Amy, and I'm only going back to tell her I want a divorce." Sam's head turned sharply towards Freddie her eyes wide with surprise.

"Really?" She whispered.

"Really"


End file.
